Life!

I grew up knowing what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Ever since I can remember I have wanted to be a veterinarian. Well some things change. Since my sophomore year has started, I have been leaning further and further away from vet school. I really just don’t think it would be for me. I don’t know if I could handle four more years of schooling after I finish my first four. I also don’t know if I want to spend all of that money that is going to take a good bit of time to pay back. I have also realized that I am not very fond of math. I mean I can do it and I seem to be pretty good at it (sometimes!) but it just really isn’t my thing. Being a vet, I feel like I would have to do a lot of math and conversions and stuff, and it might not be that hard but I just really feel like it would make me happy. I want a job that is satisfying and fun! Why have a job you don’t enjoy if you are planning on having that career for the rest of your life? So now that I have no idea what I am going to do with my life, I am back to the square I was at when I was four years old, when kids shouldn’t care what they want to do yet.

The career options I have in mind now are on the verge of being unrealistic. All I want to do is run a ranch in Tennessee with beef cows and horses. But the way things are now-a-days, it doesn’t look like I could make a living doing that which means I would have to have a day job too. Then I would have to come home in the evenings and take care of the farm, and to me, that’s not the way the dream should go! I guess I could stay in animal science with a business emphasis, that would probably be ok, then I could be set for several different types of careers. Or I could just be a bum! Some people do that and it seems to work for them! No but really, I have to decide what I want to do by the end of this year so I can figure out my classes and all and so the college I’m in can get everything straight. I plan to do a whole bunch of research of Christmas break, when I have time to actually breathe and sit down and think through all of this rationally. Finding time to figure out how you want life to go is a magic trick in itself!

Do you feel like you work load should not be as heavy as it is, but then other times you can’t find anything to do? Like sometimes I have so much work I have no idea if I will be able to finish it all in time, then other times I sit here and twiddle my thumbs and wonder if there is anything else I can do to get ahead to even out the work load. Some teachers don’t give any work which is always nice, and others pile it on like you don’t have any other classes except theirs. I mean I know I shouldn’t complain because I signed up for the class and all, but sometimes I just wonder if they want us to be tired for class. That is usually how I end up, I don’t know about you. I try to stay awake in all of my classes because I feel it is disrespectful to the teacher if I am laying there sleeping, but sometimes it is all I can do to keep my eyes open. The night before that class I was probably doing all of this homework I had for the next few days and for the class I am in, and not only is it tiring, it also drains your mind and soul! I’ll admit that sometimes I put things off until last minute, but so far this school year I do 95% of my work ahead of time, and I still get swamped. I also try to balance out my school life with my social life, but the social part usually gets put on the back-burner until the weekend, and even sometimes then I don’t go out and see friends and have a good time because I have so much work to do.

With all the work, it just makes me realize even more that I need to figure out the road I am following so all of this work isn’t for nothing. That is what I worry about, wasting time where it could have been spent somewhere else. The classes I have that deal with animal science don’t really seem like work at all because I really enjoy learning that kind of stuff, but some of the others feel like they aren’t relevant to the career I want; therefore, making them hard to enjoy. I am a hands on kind of person, and learning from a book just doesn’t feel natural to me. However, there are people in the world that love learning processes from a text, and that is perfectly fine, but if I can’t actually see it happening, I almost couldn’t care less. That’s part of the reason I want to have a farm or ranch and grow things to make a living, because you can see how you are affecting what you come into contact with, and you can see yourself making money that will pay the bills. I also like having things that need to be looked after a little bit. I love to take care of things and feel like I had a hand in making that things life a little easier. Maybe like a calf or something. They need a little help at first to stay well and be healed when sick. When I see that I made an impact, it fills my heart a little bit more. So I guess I just need to find a way to make me new dream career come true. I’m not afraid to work hard for it, but I want to see the change that’s happening.